T.R. Hicks

Death is inevitable and inescapable. We must all face it. One minute, you’re alive and the next, you’re gone.

Your heart stops. No more breaths come. A doctor makes a pronouncement and a sheet is pulled up over your head. Your body is placed in a bag and wheeled to a refrigerated room where it waits, either for the medical examiner or the mortician. After a possible autopsy and preparation, your body is either buried in a hole in the ground or incinerated in a crematorium. After a period of time, memories of you start to fade. Soon, even your dearest loved ones have trouble remembering the exact sound of your voice. It won’t be long before a new generation arises that never even knew you existed. It’s all quite grim, but is that all that happens when we die? Is life really so meaningless? It’s that sense of unknowing that makes death one of the most common fears known to man (between loneliness and spiders on most polls).

Fortunately, while sacred scripture doesn’t give us a concise, step-by-step description of what happens after death, it does give us enough information to put together a fairly complete itinerary of events that happen when this earthly race is over. For the righteous (those who have saving faith in Jesus Christ), here’s a glimpse of what to expect.

GREETED BY ANGELS

Once you’ve exhaled for the very last time, you can expect to be surrounded by angels who have come to escort you home. Now, I know that many people have taught many different things on this subject. I’ve heard preachers say that you will be greeted by departed loved ones and others say that you will be instantly transported into the presence of Jesus, but let’s go with what the Blessed Master taught.

In the sixteenth chapter of the Gospel of Luke, Jesus tells the parable of Lazarus and the Rich Man. While this was a parable, told to illustrate a series of points, we should take comfort that Jesus got the details right. In this parable, the poor man, Lazarus, died and was carried by angels (plural) to Abraham’s bosom (Luke 16:22).

My late wife had a fondness for angels. She took comfort in knowing that they are all around us. It brings me joy to know that on that fateful day, August 1, 2015, when she took her last breath that she was not alone. She was surrounded by the angels assigned to carry her to her destination, safe from the cares and troubles of this world.

SOULS MADE PERFECT IN HOLINESS AND RECEPTION IN HEAVEN

Hebrews 12:23 tells us that, at that moment, our souls are made perfect in holiness. The righteousness of Christ, which had been imputed to our account, is made manifest in our souls. It has to be as no stain of sin can enter the Kingdom of God. I have no idea whether our journey with the angels takes seconds or minutes, but I do know that our sanctification is completed on this journey and we are made ready for our destination.

At the conclusion of our journey, we are received into the highest of Heavens (2 Corinthians 5:1, 6, 8). This is something every born again saint of God has longed for. After a life of toil and work in a fallen world, we are home. We are in a place of paradise where there are no tears and where the light of God illuminates everything around us.

BEHOLD THE FACE OF GOD IN LIGHT AND GLORY

Upon reaching that celestial shore, we shall be ushered into the presence of Almighty God, the creator, and ruler of the universe and we shall see Him face to face. We learn that in 1 John 3:2. In 1 Corinthians 13:12, the apostle Paul tells us that for now, we see as if in a glass darkly, but on that day, we shall see Him face to face. Paul also promises that we shall be known as we are known.

Just imagine it, if you can, that on the day your earthly life ends, you will stand in the presence of God, surrounded by His radiant glory and power. Just the thought makes my heart skip a beat. That thought quite simply boggles my mind. I cannot even begin to wrap my mind around it, can you? I do know one thing: I long for that day. I don’t know what my soul will do on that day, but I know that it will be glorious.

…AND OUR BODIES?

While our souls are in Heaven, in the presence of our God and our Blessed Savior, our bodies will rest in their graves, as in their beds (Isaiah 57:2) waiting for the day when they have been fully redeemed, resurrected and reunited with our souls. It doesn’t matter if your body is buried or cremated, God can and will resurrect it on that final day.

This illustration of the body as “resting in a bed” was used a lot in the old testament, giving the human perspective on the appearance of a body after death. This has given rise to the false teaching known as “soul sleep,” that states that there is no immortal soul and that the body simply lies in the ground waiting for the resurrection. This is clearly not what Jesus taught and not what Paul clearly believed.

WHERE DOES PURGATORY FIT IN?

Purgatory, a place where residual unrighteousness is purged from our soul is an unbiblical doctrine taught mainly by the Roman Catholic Church. There is no support for this doctrine found in sacred scripture. While we do not hold fast to the doctrine of purgatory, we do believe that there is a place where sin was purged. That place was the cross of Calvary.

WHAT HAPPENS TO NON-BELIEVERS?

For those who have not put their trust in Christ, or worse, have rejected Him directly, the journey is similar but much more grim. The Westminster Larger Catechism says that the souls of the wicked are in torments and utter darkness while their bodies are kept in their graves, as in a prison, waiting for the resurrection and the judgment on that great day (Luke 16:23, 24).

WHERE DO YOU STAND?

You see, for those with saving faith in Jesus, death need not be feared. It is not an ending, but a doorway to eternity. For non-believers, the picture is much more grim. Where do you stand on the subject of eternity? Are you longing to see your God and your Savior face-to-face, or does the subject of dying scare you to death (pun intended)? You need to examine your heart and ask yourself, “If God calls for an accounting of my soul in the next ten minutes, am I ready?” Only you can answer that question. I ask you to prayerfully consider the answer and, if you’re not sure that your post-life journey will be a pleasant one, please cry out to the Lord and ask Him for His redeeming grace and mercy.

I pray that this article has blessed you in reading it, as much as it blessed me in writing it.

May God bless you richly.

When Cindy passed away it was a total shock. Certainly, she’d been in poor health for some time, but all outward signs seemed to point to a strong recovery. That’s why her passing hit me like a sucker punch out of the blue.

I’m no psychiatrist and I have no intention of offering medical or psychological advice. What I will share are some things I observed from my own walk and what I’ve learned by talking to others on a similar path. Before we go on, I want to stress one thing very strongly: there is NOTHING wrong with getting help when you need it. If your sadness has reached despair or clinical depression, you need to stop reading Internet blogs and get some competent medical and psychological help. There’s no shame in that.

With that said, let’s look at what I’ve learned.

IT’S OK NOT TO BE OK

One of the toughest things we, especially men, experience is the overwhelming tidal wave of emotions that hit after a sudden loss. It’s like being hit by one blow after another, after another. They come over and over with precious little time to breathe in between. For some reason, we feel that we need to be strong and keep a “stiff upper lip.” Not only is that impossible, but I’m also entirely persuaded that it’s not the least bit healthy.

Give yourself permission to be sad and to cry when the mood hits. Let’s face it, you’ve just encountered a major emotional wound and suppressing it will only make it much, much worse down the road. Let it go. If you’re one of those “old fashioned men” who was taught that “real men don’t cry,” put that foolishness out of your mind right now. That is a lie straight from the pit of Hell and has caused many a man untold grief.

You don’t have to be strong all of the time. It’s OK to let the emotions come as they will and to deal with them as they come.

THE STAGES OF GRIEF DON’T COME IN ORDER

Pretty much everyone has heard about the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. When reading about these “stages,” one could easily conclude that they come in an orderly fashion, one right after the other. That couldn’t be farther from the truth, at least in my case. What I found was that the five stages came in random order and often showed up two or three at a time. I could go from anger to bargaining with God, to seeming acceptance, all within the span of ten minutes, only to start all over again a few moments later. It was quite overwhelming. At times, I really felt like I was losing my mind.

Most of the time, I found solace in prayer, but there were times, if I’m to be brutally honest, when trying to pray just seemed to make me more anxious. When the anxiety was running wild, even resting or trying to watch TV was a lost cause. Fortunately, these episodes never seemed to last all that long.

ACCEPT THAT NORMAL HAS CHANGED

When you’re dealing with loss, sudden or not, your idea of normal is forever changed. Things that used to be routine, or even taken for granted, will never be again. Family dinners won’t be the same. Holidays will always be different. Even the familiar presence around the TV for nightly viewing is not the same. You’re in the process of building a “new normal.”

When I was first dealing with Cindy’s loss, I wasn’t ready to make major changes to the home we shared; it’s been four years and I’m still not ready, but I did find that making subtle, little changes was helpful. For instance, I replaced the swivel rockers in the front room (Cindy’s library) with a couch and put the chairs in my master bedroom. It was a small, seemingly insignificant change, but it demonstrated that a new chapter had started in our household. It also served as a reminder that things really had changed and that I wasn’t just in the middle of a really bad dream. Believe it or not, little changes helped me a lot.

GOD DOESN’T BARGAIN, BUT HE DOES LISTEN

I can make this statement without reservation because I tried. I remember standing out in front of our house crying out to God to give me just one more chance to be the kind of husband that Cindy deserved.

Did God hear my cries? I absolutely believe that He did, but my thoughts are not His thoughts and my ways are not His ways. God, alone, is sovereign and He has sole prerogative over life and death. He knew that Cindy’s death was necessary for His plan. He knew that I was in pain, but, through it all, he kept telling me two simple words: “Trust Me!”

No, you can’t bargain with God, but you can praise Him and offer up your pain as a sacrifice, knowing that He makes all things work together for good for those who love Him (Romans 8:28).

To be honest, I still don’t know what God’s plan is in calling Cindy home; I probably never will until I reach the other side of glory. Still, I trust that He has a plan. Perhaps, the fact that you’re reading these words is a small part of that plan. Who knows? All I know is that I trust God.

IF YOU NEED HELP, GET IT!

I’m going to end this article the same way that I started it, by stressing the importance of getting help where needed. This can be as simple as letting friends and loved ones help you or getting professional help. In my case, I used both. I’m very blessed to have a family that rushed to my side at my time of loss. They were great and I never would have made it through without them. I also saw my doctor for things that my familial support group could not address.

In my case, I had severe anxiety attacks. For me, that took the form of the sudden onset of shortness of breath, followed by the feeling that thousands of blazing hot needles were being stuck all over my body. I couldn’t sit still and I just wanted to take off running for no good reason, other than to run. One thing I was sure of was that this couldn’t continue very long. My body and mind couldn’t take it. Fortunately, for me, I had a doctor’s appointment scheduled for a few days after Cindy’s passing. While there, I told my doctor of my attacks. He was very understanding and prescribed me two medications: one to control attacks after they’d started and daily medication to keep them from starting in the first place. Praise the Lord for the miracles of modern medicine.

We’re all different and your situation may differ from my experiences, but I hope that there is at least one nugget of information here that will help you get through the dark days. When you feel that you are totally alone, know that God is there. Even at times when you may feel that He’s distant, he’s really no farther away than your next breath. Call on Him. Lift up your grief to Him. Trust Him! That last one is not always easy to do, but it’s imperative.

If I can be of help to you, please contact me on our contact page. I’m here for whatever I can do.

May God bless you richly.

When Cindy passed away a lot of important decisions had to be made in a very short period of time. Within an hour of her passing, I was asked what mortuary I wanted to use. This question caught me flat-footed because I didn’t know I would be needing one and didn’t make it a habit of having one in my contact list.

Once a mortuary was decided upon, even more important questions began to follow like did we want a burial or a cremation? My mind raced at the question because I didn’t really know what Cindy would want. Over the years, she had talked about cremation, but just the day before she passed, she said she didn’t know where she would be buried were she to die. Ultimately, a combination of our conversations and my current financial resources won out and we decided to go with cremation. That’s when the “fun” really started.

Over the next few days, I started to have remorse and the more I read about cremation, the worse the remorse got. I had just paid someone to incinerate the body I loved more than my own. With tears rolling down my cheeks I kept looking at Cindy’s picture and saying, “I’m so sorry, Cindy. I’m so sorry.”

Then, my immediate concerns turned to the eternal…

COULD GOD RESURRECT A CREMATED BODY?

I started to wonder about the eventual second coming of Christ. On that day, the dead in Christ shall rise to be reunited with their spirits. What is someone’s body was cremated and no longer available to rise to glorification? Had I just messed up Cindy’s chances at the resurrection? I know this may sound funny to some, but this was weighing heavily on my heart. I prayed and begged God for forgiveness if I had done anything to hinder Cindy’s resurrection on that glorious day.

I started researching it and found that the Bible really doesn’t give any clear instructions on how to properly inter a body after death. It simply reports what societies, of the age, did. Some people buried the deceased in a tomb until decomposition and then removed the bones and put them in an ossuary. Others, did cremate.

Then it began to dawn on me that all bodies, whether buried or cremated, will eventually reduce to dust and if God can resurrect, He surely could do so with the other.

Sill, making the decision to cremate is not easy. It’s best to have these arrangements decided upon ahead of time and, if possible, planned out and paid for. That’s what I did immediately after Cindy’s death. My funeral arrangements are something that my family will not have to decide after I’m gone; they’ve already been made.